I was born in the month of July in the 1960s to Barbara, who had already made up her mind that she had no choice but to offer me up for adoption.
I think I stayed with her for about 10 days.
She hadn’t told any of her family about me and that was still the case when we met in person again on my 19th birthday.
I took one look at her and it was like I had never not known her.
"Pauline! Welcome to Australia!"
That day was the start of what turned out to be a 30 year, beautiful, friendship.
In 1982 I travelled to Australia where she was living.
Cairns Airport was still very small! I got off the plane and walked over to a small building where I could see her waiting for me holding up a poster that she’d made that said:
“Pauline! Welcome to Australia!” and stuck on with tape was a beautiful freshly picked hibiscus flower!
Barb's Beach
A few years after that she bought some land and designed her own little home which was built very close to what I always think of as ‘Barb’s beach’ just north of Cairns.
We named it Magique because in her eyes it was just magic that it had all come about!
I loved her spirit, her determination in life and her courage to try new things. She had a wonderful sense of humour (we always had such a laugh) and one of the biggest loves of her life was to travel!
I already loved travelling but spending time with her actually opened up opportunities for me to do more than I ever dreamt of. In 1988-1989 I went out on a year’s work permit to Australia to stay with her. Circumstances led me to travelling home via SE Asia, Nepal and India.
So what has this got to do with my Decluttering and Organising story?
Well, some people say that a business logo needs to reflect what it’s about. Mine may not, but the hibiscus represents my story and reminds me of her.
In 2010 I lost her to Cancer.
In January that year, in true ‘Barb style’ she had decided to buy a camper-van (she was 75) and take off to Tasmania for one last trip having been over to the UK the year before and seen all her family and friends (who, by then, all did know about me).
Later that year I did two last 3-week trips to Australia.
The first was when I had the call that she was really sick and it was time for me to drop everything and go.
When I arrived, I found myself in organising mode without even knowing that that was what it was!
I instinctively looked at everything in the house and rearranged it in order to make her life easier.
The Importance of Conversations.
She didn’t want to talk about dying (this is something that I feel very strongly about now) but there were things that she really wanted me to find, know about and make decisions around so we found ourselves addressing things that we didn’t expect to.
The Saving of Boxes Just in Case!
In between nurse’s visits and rest, I remember a time when a friend and I were watched by Barb as I was up a ladder handing down lots, and I mean lots of boxes!
“What’s in that one” she asked. … “Nothing”. “And that one?” “Nothing!”
Pretty much everything she had bought she had saved the box!
“Well I might want to move house one day” she said!
We were all, needless to say, in stitches and I am eternally thankful and will never forget the humour that we found that afternoon.
Sorting through Barb's life
I had returned home and Barb passed away 8 days later.
A few weeks later I was back at Magique and during that last visit I found myself having to:
- Acclimatise again
- Collect her ashes
- Sort through her belongings
- Inform her friends
- Plan, book and host an event in Barb’s memory
- Run a ‘garage sale’
- Choose an estate agent and list the house
- Do no end of charity shop drops
- List other items to gift or sell including the beloved camper-van, and all while grieving
Valuable support
I could never have done this without the help of some wonderful friends and my cousin who came over from America to be with me.
It hurt to see things ending up a skip, and to see empty drawers that I just hadn’t had the time to look through.
I had been so totally naïve about the extent of the content and associated emotions of sorting a comparatively small home.
I said for at least a year afterwards that if it hadn’t been for the physical and emotional support that I had I’d have still been there saying ‘I’ll just ….’ Not having a clue how to approach it.
I had no choice to stay longer
I had a manager at home who was coming up with every imaginable reason for ‘leave’ so I could get paid for my time off.
I had had my Mum and some friends living in our home while my husband was working away, seeing that our son was looked after.
My time had to come to an end.
I left Barb under a beautiful purple flowering jacaranda tree in a friend’s garden in the outback.
Planning ahead
So, it’s over the last few years since I discovered that Professional Organising is a thing, APDO, and that it has felt so instinctively the right thing for me to be doing, that I have become more and more passionate about encouraging people to start to have conversations about their stuff!
- What is precious?
- What has a story behind it?
- Who would like something?
Barb had wanted the friend who had supported me, with the boxes and the rest, to have some of her rings.
Our friend was just blown away by that because she had never been asked and never wears rings!
There is a concept of planning for all of this called Swedish Death Cleaning.
Swedish Death Cleaning
According to Copilot “Swedish death cleaning, also known as döstädning, is a Scandinavian method of organizing that focuses on decluttering your home before you pass away. The concept aims to lessen the burden on your grieving loved ones by ensuring that your belongings are sorted and unnecessary items are removed. It’s not morbid; rather, it’s a thoughtful way to prepare for the future. The term was coined by author Margareta Magnusson in her 2017 book The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning. To start, consider tackling small areas or categories of items, gradually working your way through sentimental belongings and clutter. So, it’s about more than just tidying up—it’s a mindful approach to both your space and your legacy. 
So it isn’t morbid, as some people seem to think.
The more we have sorted in life, the more physical and mental space we have to enjoy our time here on this planet!
The more we can encourage conversations, the easier it is for those who are left missing us, to do right by us and the things that have been meaningful.
Whether our loved ones are a long way away or not, having someone to facilitate this to some extent is incredibly valuable when we have other commitments in our lives and it doesn’t become an ‘all consuming’ burden when things get tricky, which as we know, they can.
It might just be that spending an hour recycling empty boxes could be better spent having quality time with a loved one if someone else does it!
Professional Organisers have many strings to their bows!
I’m here for a chat anytime if you can relate to anything at all here.